race
I always used to count myself lucky that, despite being a Muslim growing up in post 9-11 Texas, I wasn’t really the target of much harassment. Sure, my parents told me stories about how they hired cops at my 4th (or something) birthday party, but as far as I can actually remember, overt and blatant racism has happened to me once or twice. (I did grow up presenting mostly Indian, not Muslim, and lived in a wealthy and diverse community. I’m sure that contributed heavily)
It was really only till the end of senior year of college when I realized how racism actually affected me personally. It’s always been a running joke that I’m an Indian guy in Computer Science. Checks all the boxes. Amongst my friends I would happily use my Indian accent to say “Have you tried turning it off and back on again?”. Typically these sorts of jokes are what would be described as microaggressions, which many people legitimately have an issue with. But microaggressions weren’t actually what got me. I enjoyed the jokes and never found them truly grating. My friends were always respectful and took me for who I was, never crossing boundaries with microaggressive jokes.
Without realizing it however, this stereotype changed the way I interacted with new people, and even affected many of my life decisions. Whenever I presented myself to someone new, I’d always mention my interest in Philosophy or Games first. I wasn’t “an Indian dude in CS”, I was “someone interested in computer science and philosophy.” If you are white, you are the default and people try to understand you for who you are. I displayed my interest in philosophy as a shield from people assuming I was a socially awkward Indian robot. I don’t think you’d have to do the same if you didn’t fall into a stereotype. But that went beyond how I presented myself. I chose classes partially because I wondered how they would look when I presented myself. I wanted to take philosophy courses, of course, but I also wanted to be that cultured dude who’s taken Phil 306.
To be clear, others experiences of racism are objectively worse and I don’t mean to cry too much. At the same time, I don’t mean to understate this. Identity is extremely pervasive and even though every individual change was slight and unimportant, it compounded in a way that caused a lot of anguish. And yes, if I were a white CS student I’m sure I would have had similar issues presenting myself as an interesting CS student, but I just don’t think it’s the same as having the three adjectives of Indian, Male, and CS.
