shittiness is the easy way out
Introspection and growth is hard. It’s so much easier to lash out than it is to think through your issues. It’s so much easier to hang out with shitty people than build meaningful relationships with people who care.
It’s an alluring trap, and provides happiness in the short term, but it is such a fragile way to live. These frictions between the surface way your life is and the reality build until they tear you apart.
Formal writing over, time for some rambling:
There’s a youtuber, don’t remember his channel name but it’s not important. He was apparently a vegan fitness guru, looked amazing and put in a ton of work into his body. Apparently he had a lot of body image issues. One day he snapped, and started eating incredible amounts of unhealthy food, gained incredible amounts of weight, and left his old lifestyle behind.
I don’t know this man, and can’t make too many assumptions about his life, but the story is apocryphal anyways… I don’t think his decision was as crazy as it seems as first glance. If putting in a ton of work into yourself doesn’t make your insecurities go away, why bother. If you’re always going to feel shitty and useless, why not just become shitty and useless. Rather than respond to your insecurities with “No! I’m strong and capable”, why not just respond with “Yeah… I am…”
It’s such an insidious mindset to have, and I recognize on the surface that being a good person makes your life better… but if neither approach will make you happy, why not just take the path of least resistance.
I feel like the “solution” to this dilemma is recognizing that the rewards of being shitty are immediate, whereas the rewards of kindness are subtler, and longer term.
